totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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