god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize