you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who died my cat blue again?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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