You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
