Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
