Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize