So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
