Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
