so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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