do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
