I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
whose parrot is this?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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