I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm both gender and math confused
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
