If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
