if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
