Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.

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(408): View more from California

I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took

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(303): View more from Colorado

So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children

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(812): View more from Indiana

So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?

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