I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
