just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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