Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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