She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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