mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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