At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
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