I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
