All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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