A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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