p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
