Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
