Tell her she can't have a vagina
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize