After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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