No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
