Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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