what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
