I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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