There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
