9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
