five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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