i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
