I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
