I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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