Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
