4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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