drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
