I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
