she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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