Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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