Pappa wants mamma naked
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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