I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
