She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
