I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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