You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
