I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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