i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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