Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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