I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
