oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
