i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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