i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
