as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize