hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
