i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
