I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
