Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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