You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
