You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
