Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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