Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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