Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
