I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
