I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
