so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
