I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
