i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So many bounce houses so little time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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