I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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