White coat. Heels.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize