Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
