I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
