If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
