I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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