I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
