I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
