i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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